Supposed To
by Kaila.Nicole
Summary: MAX!" Fang shouted and I was out of the room like lightening. "Max is okay, Max is okay…" The words chanted with my feet as I chased after Fang. I reached the back road that led behind the school, as Fang fell to the pavement.
1. Supposed To

AN: Yeah, yeah, I know. I should hurry up and add that last chapter of "Stereo System in the Gym" but I'm on a quaint little writer's block right now. Lol. So just wait around for that.

**But in the mean time, here is a little dose of depression and tragedy (since that's what I love writing).**

Appréciez! ("Enjoy" in French).

It was the perfect day. As we drove, families pulled out giant colored coolers and blankets from their minivans.

There were three mere clouds in the sky: the big, white, and fluffy kind.

Angel whispered this information to me as the black car we were in drove on through the suburbs of Colorado. I could hear birds signing, even through the rolled-up car windows, when the car stopped.

The perfect day to just be yourself, enjoy your life, and just live it.

Too bad it was the day of your funeral.

You weren't supposed to go like this, Fang had told me over and over after the paramedics had been called that day.

You left quite a lot of people waiting that day, seated around that stage, waiting on your arrival.

The one that didn't come.

We were supposed to graduated together. You were supposed to lead me up there, take my hand and whisper something negative in my ear about Principal Melvin.

And we were supposed to laugh while Fang smirked, having heard the joke.

Us three "Ride's"… we were supposed to graduate together. You were supposed to shake hands with our detention-giving mortal enemy.

You were supposed to do a lot of things.

Nudge, well, nudged me with her elbow as we climbed out. This day is supposed to be horrible, isn't it? All drab, damp, and depressing, with old people and babies dressed in black, sniffing into rags. I sighed, listening to the sounds around me: our mom quietly weeping, Jeb's soft shushes to calm her down, and Fang's uneven breathing. Him trying to hold in something inevitable. 

Don't worry, Max, he'll cry eventually. At least, in front of us, since I can hear him through the paper-thin walls of our apartment. But he's still right, after all. 

You weren't supposed to go like this.

I know you'd always imagined how you were going to die. Hell, we all have, and now more than ever, still do. But for one second… no one had ever thought the indestructible Maximum Ride would- that she would die in the most normal way possible. And that's what scared us the most. You were supposed to die of drug overdose from the School, or having your head ripped off by a Flyboy. Not this. Not so sudden.

On your death certificate it reads "Death at 11:11 a.m."

At 11:11 a.m. Max, I was cramming into my graduation gowns, complaining how much it sucked to be wearing those things. You, though, were slammed into a tree and thrown thirty-three feet from your car. 

At 11:11 a.m., someone was wishing for true love or a million dollars. You were wishing to stay alive, to receive that next breath.

This… this tragedy probably wouldn't have effect us- well, Fang- so much if the crash hadn't been so close. We could stand outside the gym's doors and throw a rock and hit our car. Not that we did, but still. You were so close… and that's why Fang heard it before me.

I was busy rambling to myself about the color of the robes when he perked his head up.

"Did you hear that?"

"No. What?"

"Not sure. Sounds like a crash."

I chuckled, "Crazy graduation mom's ramming each other in the parking lot. Maybe Dr. M's finally snapped."

There was no response to this comment, as Fang left the locker room. Not even a minute later I heard the beginning of what turned into a seven-hour battle.

"MAX!" Fang shouted and I was out of the room like lightening.

_Max is okay, Max is okay…_ The words chanted with my feet as I chased after Fang.

I reached the back road that led behind the school, as Fang fell to the pavement. There was the crinkling sound of those stupid robes and someone shouting "Class of 2011!" the moment you died.

The smell of coppery blood and burnt plastic filled the air as Fang screamed. He kept moving around, reaching his arms around you, as salty tears hit the hot asphalt. 

"Max… stay with me… don't- don't you…" Fang continued to cry as I dialed 911 on my cell phone, and described the scene.

Luckily, Fang and I had blocked Angel, so she wouldn't run out with the rest of the Flock who were on the large football field. They didn't need to see this.

I still wonder what would have happened if you had taken the interstate.

We wound up in the hospital for the next six hours, Fang pacing back and forth between the hallways. His New Balance's skidding to a stop, and then tromping back down towards us.

A doctor came in later, scratching something down on his clipboard, before speaking in a low tone.

"Mr. Batchelder," He cleared his throat, and I felt Jeb move closer,

"I am so sorry for your loss. Max has passed on. She was killed on impact. There was nothing we could do."

There was silence for a moment, as tears were shed and more sobs began. Fang was silent, though, to my right. But we both knew he was breaking down inside.

"Thank- thank you. Uh… just… thanks."

With that, Jeb left, your mom following in suite.

Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel climbed onto my lap, wrapping their arms around me, as I felt hot tears slid down my skin.

_Max_, I had whispered to myself, _why did you leave us?_

"We are gathered here today, my friends, to bring back one of God's children," A man's voice boomed around the small tent. There was the smell of upturned dirt and the musty smell of sweet flowers. The man continued, talking about some scripture crap, as I squeeze Angel's hand. Soon enough, the wet droplets fell onto my hands.

"We're not saying goodbye, Max. We're saying goodnight, Max, we'll see you in the morning. That morning when the Heavens open up, and we all will rise to see your shining face once again."

I liked that. Those three sentences were probably the best part of the speech. I'm not saying goodbye, Max, I'm saying see you later. After all, that's what you told me. And you would have also liked it too.

You would have liked a lot of things: your mom's new haircut, the color we painted Angel's room, Nudge's fascination with saving the polar bears. Well, scratch that, since all she did was talk about it. Constantly.

You were supposed to be there, Max, when the four of us- plus Total- yelled at her to shut up. You were supposed to be at a lot of things, Max.

At your graduation, which you had helped pick out the songs for.

The party later at Brandon Morgan's. The one where they had a special memorial for you, I had heard, as classmates texted me with sympathetic messages at the hospital. Nudge was there, reading them aloud, as a lump formed in my throat.

And you were supposed to be here, at this funeral, for some crazy drunk classmate who had one too many.

Not a girl who had just set everything straight, had an amazing- and dangerously silent now- boyfriend, and was accepted in a great college- University of Colorado.

I remember that day, the one that's written on your headstone, the one where I can remember our last conversation:

"You grab everything?"

"Yeah," You spoke into my ear,

"The essentials, at least. Now what's the emergency?"

"Fang ripped his sleeve. Looks like he's been in a fight with a giant, savage, robe-loving bear."

Max laughed as Fang added,

"But I won!"

"All right, you two. Hold tight. I'll be there in ten."

"'Kay," Fang and I answered in unison.

"Love ya. See you later!"

Why couldn't that have been true, Max? Why couldn't I have seen you later, alive and a beating heart?

But we love you too, Max, we just never got the chance to say it much before you left. And now its too late, but you wouldn't want us worrying about that.

It's the past, there's nothing you can do about it. The past is the past and the future is the future. 

I just wish those rules didn't apply when it came to this time in our lives.

We file out of the tent, heading back to the parking lot.

Right now, there's one more cloud in the sky. One more cloud for one more angel who was too good for us here on earth. Angel grips my hand tighter as she leads me through the cars, telling me all about my surroundings. 

There's two less foot trails as we head back to the car.

He and you are both back at the casket, watching it being lowered into the ground.

It'll take him a while, Max, but I think he'll be okay. He'll never look at a red car the same again or one of your photos, but he'll make it.

Cause he knows he has to survive to see you again. We will see you later, Max, eventually. All of us. And maybe with all of our clouds, we could rain down on other peoples' happy days.

I slid into the car, hearing your laugh in my ears, as I contemplate.

The overwhelming sadness hasn't left, and I'm not sure it ever will. 

It's the perfect day. The sun is shining, birds still chirping, and a few clouds in the sky. We drive away, watching people pack up their soccer mom vans and head home.

Going home. A place you should have gone, with Fang and I after graduation. But everyone chooses different routes, different ways to reach a destination. You, choosing back roads instead of traffic, lead to finding another home.

It's not our home, but it'll do until the Flock gets there.

You weren't supposed to go like this, Fang reminds me again as we pass our high school. If I lean to the right, if I could see, I would be picking out the bouquets and memorial cross that stands next to the hot pavement. 

I just nod my head to Fang's statement, but inside I'm not so sure. Maybe everything happens for a reason and maybe it doesn't. Maybe your death is supposed to change the world and maybe it's not.

Maybe it will be just another memorial video on YouTube. Who knows, really? Not you, not me, not Fang, not Jeb or your best friend Laurel. No one knows. And maybe that's why there's that extra cloud in the sky, as we climb out of the car, and Gazzy starts off,

"Remember when we broke into Max's closet? Man, she was so angry, and then she just laughed and laughed…"

In Loving Memory of Andrew Thomas Kitts

August 16th, 1987 – October 28th, 2007

… Adding one more Angel to Heaven, and one more Cloud to the Sky…

AN: Like it? I know! I came up with it one night… just randomly as I was going to bed! That's usually when I come up with my stories. Anyway, my cousin is going through a rough time right now, with the fifth-month anniversary of her son's death coming up, so I wrote this for her. (smile). Hope she likes it!

**Go check out:**

"**Meant to Live" by Switchfoot. I'm listening to it right now.**

**Oh, and Maximum Ride Four:**

**Not the best book of the four. It's kinda short and just… blah. Hopefully next one (yes, there's going to be a next one) will be better!**

**BUT GO BUY IT ANYWAY! Borders bookstore has it. That's where I got my copy:D**

**-Peace to the outs**

**Kaila Nicole**


	2. Why You're Not Here

AN: Fact is… I got really depressed and so I was watching sad videos on You Tube

AN: Fact is… I got really depressed and so I was watching sad videos on You Tube. And then this one came up with "Taylor Doherty RIP". You should watch the video and listen to the song, or just go to MySpace and type in "Justified" in the music section, and it's the second band.

Listen to the one marked "Taylor's Song". It is so beautiful. All my friends are in love with it.

FANG POV

I know you think I'm being selfish and stubborn. But the fact is that I can't go on. Usually when I say this to you, you would run a hand through my hair, gently kiss my lips, and ask me what was wrong.

But you're not here to do that. And you already know what's wrong.

I woke up this morning, turned my face and the first thing my eyes caught was the pantsuit hanging on the back of my door.

The familiar lump filled my throat, and my fist slammed into the snooze button.

Crawling out of bed, I slipped out into the hallway, where I could smell bacon frying.

Stepping into the kitchen, my eyes glanced over to the kitchen table, where the Flock sat.

But my eyes couldn't help but catch the empty chair.

Your chair.

Not that I would admit it, but my eyes collected with tears, and I spun on my heel. The bathroom was the closest room, so I opted for it, and turned on the showerhead.

Thirty minutes later, I was sprawled across the floor, my head lying on top of the covered toilet seat. And the tears running down my face were as cold as the water misting behind my back.

_Gazing up into the stars.  
Light shining through the dark.  
Search for the smile I once knew.  
In the colors and shades of black and blue._

Why did you leave me behind? You weren't supposed to go like this. Not so soon. Your death is like a tornado, picking our family up and scattering our life apart. And then we're forced to find all the missing pieces and patch up the holes.

But you're the missing piece that's lost forever and the gaping hole in my heart needs you to mend it.

I wish I had some idea of what would happen just only two days ago.

That way, just in case, when you had left I could have warned you to be a bit more careful.

So maybe I wouldn't be crying my eyes out on the bathroom rug. And maybe there wouldn't be that empty chair at the head of the table.

I can't really recall the Before.

Every memory in my head is just the After: the ambulance, hospital, and then going home without you.

That night I crawled into your bed, breathing in your scent, as thick salty tears ran down onto your pillow. I so badly wished you would barge in and laugh, claiming that I must be some kind of Max-addict.

And I'll admit it, I am. 

_It all happened way too fast.  
Now there's silence here at last.  
I never thought I'd see you fall.  
The way you went was so unexpected.  
Your life so shortly spent.  
_

That's why I barely went to your funeral. I didn't want to see you like that. And the whole thing- the flowers and black clothes and just… the grieving and people hugging me, telling me how this was such a tragedy and that you were an amazing person- I didn't think I could take it.

I already knew this was a tragedy, I already knew you were an amazing person. An amazing person who had her life taken away from her at such a short time. 

But I went anyway, in respect for you. 

I waited at your casket; my eyes no even registering everyone else leave. It was only you and I.

The funeral workers activated the machine, and soon you were lowered before me.

Why did this have to be the end? Why did I have to say goodbye, after only having these short years with you? Sure, we had known each other since we were six, but that still didn't make a difference. You weren't supposed to leave like this, only at the age of eighteen, a whole life ahead of you.

And you had promised me you would always be there. 

I can't help but think of everything you could have done: graduate high school, attend college, graduate and become a journalist just like you had planned, marry me, and maybe even have a couple of kids. 

Right now, I would be willing to trade anything- and I mean anything- to just have that future with you.

Or maybe even just one more day.

_Now I know, you'll never know how much time you had left.  
And I know, you'll never know when there's just one more breath.  
_

The belts are unhooked from around your casket and soon they begin to pile dirt on top.

I want to scream, to swear, and throwing something at the expressionless workers, for them to just stop and leave the hole clear.

But I say nothing and they continue with their job. I don't want everything to continue. I believe that life should just stop because you're not here.

I wish I had told you everything that fateful minutes you were in my arms, blood seeping from your graduation robes.

How I loved the way you always beat me at Need for Speed. Or how beautiful you looked in just the morning sunlight, your hair pulled up in a messy ponytail and wearing nothing but sweat pants and a tank top.

I'm just glad that I was able to tell you that I loved you before you left me behind. You had coughed, nodding softly, as you murmured those three words back to me.

The gravestone reads "Maximum Faith Ride. May 18th, 1993 – May 23rd, 2008."

There's a poem below it, and I hope that I can remember it, just to remind myself that you're not gone.

And that your heart, mind, and soul still lives on.

"Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there, I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow

I am the diamond glints on the snow

I am the sun on ripened grain

I am the gentle autumn rain…

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quite birds in circled flight

I am the soft stars that shine at night…

Do not stand and my grave and cry

I am not there, I did not die…"

Why, Max? Why was I slumped in front of your headstone, lips trembling and tears threatening? You stole my heart and then took it with you to Heaven.

_I never got the chance to say all this I pray for.  
Now you're so far away.  
And now I wish I would have told you that I loved you.  
Now I know that I miss you._

I run a hand through my hair, recalling the smell of your blood. And you in my arms, praying for the next breathe.

The one that didn't come.

You are the only thing I can recall from the Before. Before Iggy called the police, before the sirens blared and flashed around you and I. 

Before you left me behind, leaving me to face this world alone. The world that seemed to move along, move past your death, even as I tried to put everything on hold.

Time should stop. You're not here to live the present. You are now just a piece of my past, and I desperately want you in my future. But reality is cruel, I realize, as cars fly by the cemetery, oblivious to what was going on. All they saw was one more headstone, one more tent set up, and one more lonesome boyfriend. 

_I miss you.  
Why did you go?  
Did you know that I loved you?  
Now I miss you.  
_

And that's what I am, after all. Lonesome and confused. And scared. Scared that you're gone, that you're not by my side any longer. That your once alive and spirited body now lives beneath the earth for all of eternity.

But only your body does, I realize, as I place a kiss on your headstone and walk away.

You're always going to be with my in spirit, aren't you? After all, I smile as I head towards my awaiting car, your words are still playing through my head,

"Love ya. See you later!"

I love you too, Max. And I'll see you later.

_I can't believe you're not here.  
Sorrow reflected in my tears.  
I never got the chance to tell you how much you meant to me.  
Now I'm left here all alone with only memories of you._

I climb into the car, which is now eerily silenced, and snap on my seatbelt. Putting the car into drive, we leave the disheartened scene of flower petals blowing in the wind, and onto the bright and sunny road.

And I pressed play on the car's stereo, and immediately music leaked out of the speakers, as Iggy relaxed in his seat beside me.

And life went on like the song traveling around my car, with your laugh filling my head, as we all headed home.

_Gazing up into the stars.  
Light shining through the dark.  
Search for the smile I once knew.  
In the colors and shades of black and blue…_

AN: 

In Memory of Taylor Doherty

March 8th, 1992 – March 18th, 2007

Song: "Taylor's Song" by Justified.


End file.
